Pasta Incident Number 307
by lunar mischief
Summary: Two Italians walked into a high tech, govenment-run laboratory...


**Happy Birthday to my favorite Italian twins!**

**Oh, and Happy St. Patrick's Day to all you Irish and/or Catholics who celebrate out there. I never really knew who was supposed to celebrate...I mean, my family eats the meal, but my mom's Irish and Catholic, but my siblings and I were raised Protestant like my dad (who isn't Irish and never celebrated growing up), so it's really just a day of massive confusion for me. If anyone wants to clear this mess up, by all means, go for it.**

**Anyway, this was i**nspired by last month's news on an Italian physicist failing a little at science. Because really, wouldn't Lovi and Feli fail at science too?****

****MoonClaimed is the best beta ever.****

****I own nothing.****

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><p>"…And the alcove to the left is where we'll work with all of our radioactive projects. We believe containing them to one room is the best option," Dr. Lombardi explained to the Italian twins. It was a very exciting day, as Italy revealed its new state of the art laboratory, supposedly the most advanced one in the world. Unfortunately, Veneziano and Romano had to walk through it and give it their stamp of approval (in other words, they had to make sure it was Italy Proof). It wouldn't be too bad if they actually had any interest in the subject. But alas, they did not.<p>

A nameless scientist walked over and whispered something into the post doc's ear. After a few moments, Dr. Lombardi turned back to them. "I'm terribly sorry, sirs, but I need to take care of something. I'll be back in a minute. Just…don't touch anything." He hesitated before leaving. Surely he could leave the personifications alone for a minute or two. They couldn't be _that_ bad, could they? Dr. Lombardi stopped in his tracks. He had heard some pretty bad horror stories…But right now there was a breakthrough in the tissue room that he _had_ to see. Shaking his head, he took a deep breath and followed his colleague.

Romano plopped down on a seat in front of the closest workbench. "Why do we have to come to these things? It's not like we know what the fuck they're talking about."

"Ve…They don't even have any cute animals in this one," Veneziano sighed, reaching into his backpack.

"…Feli? You know they test on those things, right? And most of them -The fuck you doing?" Romano stared as his brother pulled a pot out of his bag.

"Making pasta! They have these little fire things that I can boil water over!" Feliciano plugged in a Bunsen burner and flicked the igniter over it. "See? Now where did I put that pasta…?"

Lovino facepalmed. He really should have expected this type of thing with Feli. "Fine, but when the lab coat guy comes back, I'm not going to bail you out."

"But Lovi, it's pasta! He can't get mad at me for that!" Feliciano continued digging through his bag. "I hope I didn't forget it at home…"

Lovino sighed. His brother needed help.

"Next time double check to make sure it's a new type of cancer and not just 'irregularly shaped'. It's cancer, it's supposed to be shaped differently. " Lovino's head snapped up as Dr. Lombardi's voice drifted back into the room. Knowing most people, he would be the one blamed for the fire, not his happy-go-lucky twin. He quickly shoved the burner under the shelf to keep it out of sight. He then turned Feliciano (who was still rummaging through his sack) grabbed his arm and roughly pulled him in so the two of them were innocently blocking the open flame.

"Everything ok?" Romano asked, trying to pretend nothing happened.

Dr. Lombardi narrowed his eyes at the elder boy in suspicion. It was strange to see him acting cordial. But as a quick glance around the room showed nothing out of place, he relaxed as he addressed him. "Yes, it was just a false lead," he admitted, a bit ashamed for having run off and having nothing to show for it. "But anyway, if you'll please follow me, I'll take you to our imaging core." The scientist began to walk, assuming they would follow

Veneziano and Romano shared a glance. _What's the worst that could happen?_ They shrugged and took a quick glance behind them before following Dr. Lombardi to the hall.

Now, had the Italy brothers known anything about basic chemistry, they would have realized that they had just made a grave mistake. See, they had left an open flame under a metal shelf. Which on its own isn't terrible (there were about 15cm between the flame and the ledge). It's not good, but it wouldn't be as fatal. Because it wasn't the shelf itself that was the problem. It was the contents on the shelf.

Normally, in a lab, flammable substances are kept in their own cabinet so that should something happen, it's contained. However, that generally only applies to compounds in their pure, unaltered form. Once a substance is diluted, lab workers tend to keep them at their bench. On the shelf. So had either of the Italies looked up, they would have realized that there were things like ethanol, acetone, and ether (or not, since they probably didn't know that (CH3)2CO is acetone) sitting on that same shelf directly above the flame. They would have also realized that the metal would heat the fluids, and thus they would begin to boil. Combine that with the fact that they were all sealed in airtight bottles…Well, let's just say that it wasn't going to end well.

So, as you can imagine, it was quite a shock to the nations to hear the sudden crack multiple jars shattering, followed by the wooshing sound of fire. Their eyes went wide and they stopped in their tracks, spinning around to look at their mess (which now consisted of broken glass and the entire bench lit up and still spreading) in absolute horror.

Dr. Lombardi froze. _Please don't let the rumors be true…_ Taking a deep breath, he spun around, bracing himself for the worst. But even his imagination couldn't create the mess that was in front of him. He gaped at the inferno before covering his face and sobbing lightly. He turned around and ran out, not sparing his precious dying lab another glance.

It was around this point that Lovino and Feliciano realized that they were in trouble. They booked it to the door, slamming into each other as they struggled to escape.

"Move over Feliciano!" Lovino grunted, pushing a hand into his brother's face.

"Ve? But fratello, I'm younger! I have a longer life ahead of me!" Feliciano cried, tugging Lovino's arm back.

"We're part of the same country, you idiot. We have the same lifespan. Now move!"

"Wait, fratello, stop!" Feliciano grabbed Lovino's arm and stepped back, pulling him with him.

"What are you doing? The exit's that way!" Lovino cried, frantically pointing at the door.

Feliciano reached out with his free hand, grabbing the handle to his left and opened it towards him.

"See? Double doors!" Lovino stared, feeling like an idiot for forgetting that the two of them walked in earlier, side by side.

"I-I knew that!" he huffed. "Now come on!" The elder Italian grabbed the younger's wrist, running with him to the door. As they neared the elevator, Feliciano tugged on Lovino's arm, pulling him to a stop.

"Wait, Lovi! The elevator!" he exclaimed, hitting the button and shoving Lovino in as the doors began to open. He quickly jumped in with his brother, pressing for the ground floor. As the doors closed, the sound of destruction was drowned out by smooth jazz as it floated over the radio.

Lovino stared in horror at his brother. He had just trapped them in a floating metal box inside of a building erupting with flames. "Are you insane? You're not supposed to take elevators when there's a fire, you idiot!"

"Ve? But it's faster than the stairs…And the music's so soothing!" Feliciano said, swaying.

Lovino paused, considering the statement. Even with their amazing Italian panicking speed, he couldn't deny that the elevator was probably faster. He sighed, tapping his foot impatiently and checking his watch. _Come on, come on! Hurry up you damn machine!_

As soon as the elevator's doors opened, the two of them flew out of the metal death trap towards the main entrance, throwing open the gates to freedom. Once safely outside the burning building, they ran up to where Dr. Lombardi stood(still sobbing) among the crowd of other escaped (and equally distraught) scientists before turning around to witness their damage.

Feliciano whistled. "I think that's the worst we've ever done!"

Dr. Lombardi began to cry harder.

"I know it's sad," Feliciano sniffled, pulling the scientist's face onto his shoulder, "but I'll make a new batch of pasta as soon as I get home and bring it to you! And I hadn't even put the noodles on to boil yet so nothing important was destroyed, right? So don't cry!"

Dr. Lombardi wept louder. "My notes!" he wailed. "My specimens, my equipment! It's all gone!"

"Just once I'd like to get through one of these damn things without running for our lives…" Romano mumbled.


End file.
